The Lies I’ve Been Telling Myself

Yesterday, I felt like I had some type of breakthrough. I used to be stood up once more but once more by one other handyperson with whom I had made an appointment to present me an estimate for the drywall job within the studio.

I’ve had absolutely the worst experiences with handymen. What number of is that this now? I’ve misplaced depend. Let’s see.

  1. There was the man I employed to do the simplest and fundamental job (haul away junk). He did half the job, and requested for the entire fee, and advised me he’d be again the following morning to complete. I paid him, after which didn’t see him for six weeks. Within the interim, I texted him twice, and twice he advised me he’d be again the following day to complete. He was a no present each occasions. When he lastly did come six weeks later to haul off the remainder of the stuff, his truck mattress was already piled full when he confirmed up, and he couldn’t get every little thing he had promised to take (and for which I had already paid him) into his already-full truck mattress. However regardless, he declared the job executed, and gained’t reply to my texts.
  2. I made an appointment with one other man on a selected day and at a selected time. He didn’t present. I acquired a DM from him on Nextdoor later that night telling me that we may reschedule. He didn’t apologize for standing me up, and didn’t provide any form of excuse. It was simply, “Hey, I feel I used to be supposed to fulfill with you at 5:00 as we speak. We are able to reschedule that for an additional day.” Ummm…no.
  3. I made an appointment with a girl through DM on Nextdoor who handles her husband’s handyman enterprise. I messaged her, and she or he messaged me proper again saying that I may name her any time. I known as instantly, and she or he stated they have been at one other individual’s home giving them an estimate, and will in all probability come on to my home after that. She stated she’d name me again in 5 minutes. That was 5 days in the past, and I nonetheless haven’t heard again.
  4. I made an appointment with one other man. He and his helper truly confirmed up once they stated they’d to take a look at the job. He was right here 5 minutes, took some measurements, and stated he’d textual content me later with an estimate. I didn’t hear from him that night time or the following day. I lastly texted him and requested if he had an estimate for me, and I acquired a learn receipt displaying that he learn my textual content about two minutes after I despatched it. That was two days in the past, and I nonetheless haven’t heard again.
  5. I made an appointment with a girl who evidently has a number of work crews that do all types of transforming and handyman jobs. She was purported to be right here yesterday at 5:00. At 5:30, she nonetheless wasn’t right here and I hadn’t heard from her. I known as and acquired no reply. I texted, and waited. I lastly acquired a textual content again from her at 6:00, and she or he stated that she was together with her plumber and didn’t notice the time, and that I may give her a name subsequent week and we are able to reschedule.

I don’t understand how any of those folks keep in enterprise once they deal with clients (or potential clients) with so little regard. To say that I used to be on the finish of my rope yesterday night could be an understatement. I used to be livid and annoyed and, fairly actually, feeling helpless.

Helpless. That’s a phrase that I’ve by no means thought I might affiliate with myself. I’ve at all times considered myself as robust, succesful, decided. I’ve at all times been the form of one who will determine a manner, even when one thing appears unimaginable. Over the past 16 years that I’ve been scripting this weblog, I’ve had folks ask me repeatedly, “Kristi, how did you do this by your self?” I simply did. Sheer willpower, a really robust will, blended with a heaping spoonful of stubbornness, has served me very properly through the years.

However recently, one thing shifted in my thoughts, and never for the nice. I don’t now if it’s simply because I’m on the final room in our dwelling and I’m feeling like I’m on the final mile of a marathon and I may not make it. I don’t know if it’s as a result of I simply had a milestone birthday and I’m feeling outdated and asking myself, “How did I get right here already?” I actually don’t know what it’s, however about six months in the past, there was a change in my mindset. As a substitute of being that robust, succesful, decided individual I’ve at all times been, I began telling myself that I can’t. I’m not succesful. I’m not robust sufficient. I can’t do these items on my own, and if I don’t discover assist, they gained’t get executed as a result of I can’t.

I’ve by no means been an “I can’t” individual earlier than. However I’ve advised myself these lies so many occasions over the previous few months that it’s simply change into miserable. Mix that with the truth that I haven’t been capable of finding a dependable individual to do a few of these issues that I had satisfied myself I couldn’t do, and that has led to a very miserable feeling of helplessness.

By no means in my life did I feel that I may really feel helpless. And but, there I used to be yesterday, feeling helpless. I felt so helpless and discouraged that I cried and had a pity celebration for myself. After which I acquired indignant and threw a bit of mood tantrum as a result of these folks hold standing me up, and I another person has to do it for me as a result of I can’t do it by myself.

Effectively, after about half-hour of that nonsense, my anger and frustration turned in direction of myself. I began questioning what on the earth had occurred to me. What have I change into? How on the earth have I satisfied myself over these previous few months that I’m not succesful of doing these items?

I imply, we’re speaking about drywall, for goodness sake! And it’s not even on the ceiling, or excessive up on the wall. We’re speaking about drywall on the underside a part of the partitions.

I’ve drywalled total rooms in our home earlier than, together with the ceiling, on my own. Sure, it’s true that I promised myself that I’d by no means need to do drywall once more as a result of, fairly frankly, I hate it. I hate putting in drywall, and I hate taping and mudding much more. However my mindset had gone past simply I don’t need to do that as a result of I hate doing drywall. My mindset had gone to I’m not succesful of doing this and I’m dependent upon another person to do it for me. And never with the ability to discover somebody reliable to do it for me had led to that dreadful and unfamiliar feeling of helplessness.

I actually don’t understand how I had satisfied myself of those lies. I imply, I’ve put cased openings in load-bearing partitions on this home all on my own.

I’ve torn rooms all the way down to the studs and rebuilt them all on my own.

And but I used to be feeling helpless over 5 sheets of drywall? I had satisfied myself that I’m not able to doing this by myself. How did that occur?

Effectively, maybe being stood up by all these folks is strictly what I wanted to snap myself out of this downward spiral I’ve been in over these previous few months, as a result of in spite of everything of my mood tantrums and pity events yesterday, I discovered willpower that I haven’t felt in a really very long time. I began reminding myself of who I’m and what I’ve executed, and I reminded myself that I’m VERY succesful! I don’t must rely upon different folks!

So I headed to House Depot with a plan in thoughts. I used to be going to hire certainly one of their $19 vans, and get the drywall that I wanted to complete the job myself. I bumped into a bit of roadblock after I acquired there as a result of they didn’t have any of the vans, however I used to be decided. I nonetheless acquired my 5 sheets of drywall, however I had one of many guys assist me minimize every sheet down six inches in order that they would slot in the van. I acquired every little thing I wanted to get this drywall executed! And as quickly as Matt and I are completed consuming lunch as we speak, I will get it executed.

And I’m going to cease telling myself “I can’t” and “I’m not succesful.” I don’t understand how or why these lies began creeping into my head, however I’m uninterested in these lies tumbling round in my head. As of yesterday, they’ve been issued an eviction discover, and I’m going to do every little thing in my energy to get again to my outdated mindset the place I inform myself that I can. I can’t stand that feeling of helplessness, and I don’t need to really feel that once more. I’ll have handed a milestone birthday, and I could also be a bit older than I used to be after I began this weblog, however I’m nonetheless robust, succesful and decided…or not less than I’m going to do my highest to get again to mindset. It might take a little bit of time to get again there full steam, however within the meantime, I’m not less than going to cease letting these lies take up residence in my head.